Reflection
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
As I woke up today, I stare at my mirror, and ask myself.
"Damm. John. How long is this gloomy aspect of you gonna last? Wheres the funky side of you? Sure, theres your father, and theres your family. But those are merely obstacles that god has planned for my benefits."
I've been wasting my life away at home, doing nothing but sleep, play and eat. Sounds a lot like heaven, but it can be boring sooner or later. I want some fun. I want some excitement. I don't just want to go out with friends to play LAN, or have dinner. I want to do something fun, such as Playing pool. Playing at the beach. Go bbqing. Go catch a movie. Go cycling. Go exploring. Go trekking. Go whatever.
My only escapade is when I'm with my church cell group. But even then, I get to do it in like, once every week? How am I suppose to spend the rest of my week doing?
I've factored everything in. Most of my freinds are in JC. Which means they're too busy to do anything fun. Now that leaves my Poly friends, most either working, or addicted to the gaming life that nearly consumed my soul last year.
I'm at a dead end now. Spending most of my time home sleeping. This is not me.
This is not me.
God, I'm sarting to lose myself. I'm becoming increasingly gloomy. Could it be the lack of fun to support my addiction? Could it be that everyone's simply too busy to have an outing? Someone once said, "How about talking?"
Been there, done that. Talking got me into the state that I am in. I'm tired of just talking. I'm tired of just having dinner over a friendly conversation that will not last due to the pressure of time.
Being me, I've thought about the possibility of arriving to such a situation over the holidays. Forseen this problem, yet done nothing to counter this mavolence.
Funny how you can reveal so much about yourself over your blog, yet tell no one about it. I've admittedly fed my closest friends lies about my well being, that I'm somewhat unperturbed about the incidents with my father. And then there's my health. I've told nobody, but one, about my condition. And I can only hope that this infomation does not multiply in the hands of one.
